Experiences of a Teenager During a Parents Deployment
(Spackman, Dae'Stanii. Personal Interview. 28 Oct 2016)
The thoughts and emotions of a teenager are always fluctuating during their teenage years, but a teenager who has a parent in the military, that has been activated for duty overseas must learn how to handle an entirely different type of stress other than the usual teenage stresses. Dae’Stanii Spackman who is 18 years old has experienced her dad being deployed twice. The first time she experienced her father’s deployment she was only five years old. The second deployment, Dae’Stanii was 17 years old, going on 18. She was a senior in high school, while also completing college credits at Salt Lake Community College for physical therapy through the schools JACT program. Dae’Stanii played high school soccer—usually as a mid-fielder—and worked to save money for college. Yes, yes, I know, sounds easy. Right! Juggling time and schedules are what we do best in this era, but with Dae’Stanii she also had to add the stress of a deployed father. Being a military child is never easy, Dae’Stanii wanted to share her story in hopes it will help other military children that have to face similar struggles. Military lives are not for everyone, but if you are living a military life hopefully this interview with Dae’Stanii will help shed some light on your personal experiences.
Interviewer: How did you feel when your parents told you your dad was deploying overseas, for a year?
Dae’Stanii: I don’t remember the first time at all, but the second time, I was really-mad. I felt that he should stay for my senior year of high school and be there for my graduation, but I understood his obligation.
Interviewer: How did you work through those feelings?
Dae’Stanii: I just had to give myself time to understand why he was doing it. I needed to realize that I shouldn’t be so selfish and that he was doing the right thing.
Interviewer: How did the absence of your parent effect your life?
Dae’Stanii: It was strange to have him gone at first. He was always who I went to for advice for technical help, but when he was gone I learned to be more self-reliant.
Interviewer: What personal stressors did you face during that year?
Dae’Stanii: Because it was my senior year, I had a lot on my plate. I tried to help-out as much as I could at home, and it was extremely hard to keep my head on straight sometimes.
Interviewer: How did you work through your stress or is that stress still affecting your life now?
Dae’Stanii: I think the whole family worked through it together. We leaned on each other and helped each other out throughout the whole year he was gone. I don’t think we could have done it without each other and stayed sane.
Interviewer: What would you say is the hardest part about being a military child?
Dae’Stanii: The hardest part is when he’s gone it’s hard not to worry, even if they say that they’re safe.
Interviewer: Can you tell us about how your household changes while your dad was deployed?
Dae’Stanii: My mom was a lot more stressed when he was gone, and it was hard to help her because she’s so independent. A lot of responsibility fell onto her shoulders and then some of that fell onto us. It was hard sometimes, but we got through it.
Interviewer: What advice do you have for other military children about to go on the same journey you and your family just experienced?
Dae’Stanii: Always keep in contact. Even though it’s hard, it’s incredibly important. It makes the transition easier when they come back and keeps your bond tight. Also, it’s okay to lean on others. It’s hard to get through, and needing support is never a bad thing!
Interviewer: Do you feel like you have become more resilient to stress now than you were before your dads’ deployment?
Dae’Stanii: I think that I have become more resilient, and more independent. I think my mom and brother have also become stronger from the experience.
Interviewer: How did your family dynamic change during the deployment?
Dae’Stanii: Our family dynamic changed because we had to do a lot more for each other to help us get through it. We had to help each other out and support each other on bad days.
Interviewer: Do you feel you have personally grown from this experience?
Dae’Stanii: I feel like I value proper communication more than I did because I was terrible at communicating with my dad while he was overseas and I think it made the bond we had weaker.
It was great sitting down with Dae’Stanii and learning about her experiences while her dad was deployed. Learning, growing, struggling as an individual and as a family through her senior year while her father was deployed, is something we can all learn from. Everybody has a role in a family and when that person gets removed for whatever reason it leaves a void within the family. Nothing can replace that void, but we can learn, grow, and take a bigger role within the family to help support one another until that person who is gone safely returns home to fill their spot in the family unit. Not many families have too experience this type of distance, but if you are a military family we appreciate your sacrifice. God bless America and all the Soldiers and their families who sacrifice for our freedoms.
References:
Lamartine. I Dig Old Books. The Quote Garden, Aug 15 2014, Medium. Dec 6, 2016
Spackman, Dae'Stanii. Personal Interview. 28 Oct 2016
spackman, Dae'stanii. Picture. 14 Aug 2015
Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. ~Lamartine