Who Would Have Thought?
I never thought in a million years I would be the wife of a military man. I mean really, who would voluntarily fall in love with a man, whose job takes him to the most dangerous places around the world? Well I did, and I have been on a roller coaster ride ever since.
I met my husband in November, 1999 at a dance club named “Bricks.” I've never given my phone number to man I've met at dance clubs, but Rudy was different. He was a true gentleman. He was, and still is an amazing dancer. He was sweet and thoughtful. We spent the entire night dancing and having a great time. It was 2:00 a.m. in the morning, time to say goodnight, I decided at that moment there was something there. He walked me out to my car to say goodnight, and yes, I gave him my phone number.
Rudy called me a few days later. We spoke on the phone for hours. I learned he had a little girl named Rebecka, she was one year older than my little girl, Dae'Stanii. During the long phone conversation I learned that Rudy was a Marine. I’m not going to lie, the whole Marine thing scared me, but I decided to go out with him anyway and see where the first date would take us.
Our first date was a great disaster. Since we both had young daughters we weren’t able to leave the house until we put our kids to bed, so it was unusually late to be starting our first date. We did what we could do. Rudy tried taking me out to a restaurant named “Rodizio Grill,” but by the time we got to the restaurant they were closing their doors for the night. We then decided to go to Denny’s. Who doesn’t love Denny’s, right? After a delicious dinner at Denny’s (the most romantic restaurant around) we finished our date at a bowling alley in downtown Salt Lake City. We both had a great time, so great in fact we spent pretty much every day after that with each other. When our daughters first met they became instant best friends. They were inseparable, and from there we started our journey together as a family.
Nine Eleven Changes Things
The morning of September 11, 2001 is a day that leaves a wound in all of our hearts. The day the U.S experienced multiple horrific attacks on our soil. I remember watching the twin towers fall over and over again, tears streaming down my face as the news stations covered the story on every channel. I tried to go to work, but couldn’t get the tragedy out of my head. All I wanted to do was watch the news and hold my daughter, knowing life as we knew it was going to change, and it did. Rudy and I were expecting a call to deploy, but it didn’t come right away. Many service members were being deployed. The war “Iraqi Freedom” was well on its way—with Rudy still safe at home.
We soon found out we were expecting a new addition to are little family. Baby on board! Rebecka and Dae’Stanii, were so excited to be big sisters. Rudy and I were over the moon with excitement, as the months went on without being called to serve. We started to feel safe from the risk of Rudy going overseas, although we knew in the back of our minds that it was inevitable.
It was late February, 2003, and I was in my last trimester—everything with the baby was looking good. We were prepared for our little boy to arrive, when we got the call from the military informing Rudy of his deployment date of March 4th, 2003. We only had a two week notice of deployment. Our son’s due date was scheduled a few weeks after Rudy was scheduled to deploy. I frantically called my OBGYN to let her know the situation and to see what our options were. She handled the news with a calm “everything is going to be okay” type of attitude, which was great, because I was anything but calm. My OBGYN scheduled an appointment to see if we could move up the delivery date to make sure Rudy could meet his son before he was deployed overseas. We were very lucky as “Torin” was fully developed and ready for the world a few weeks ahead of schedule.
The deployment date was pushed out a little later in March than originally scheduled, so we were able to push out the delivery date, till March 8th, 2003. Our little boy finally arrived at 8:04 p.m. He was a whopping 6lbs. 4oz, and 19 inches long. Rudy was the first person to greet our little man into the world. Everything was perfect! We stayed in the hospital for the night and were released the next day around noon. We felt thankful for the time we were together as a family.
Reveille, Reveille, Reveille!
The morning of March 17th, 2003 came way too fast. It was was early morning when the alarm clock screamed its loud piercing noise. The large, glowing green numbers blinded me as I opened my tired eyes at 5:30 a.m.. I felt it, and I’m sure it showed. The loud buzzing sound screamed so loudly it made me feel like an emergency vehicle was passing through our bedroom. Soon after, Torin started making groaning noises in his bassinet letting me know that he was not happy with the loud buzz of the annoying alarm clock, aswell. Considering he went to bed about an hour before it was time to wake up and get on the road, he had every right. Rudy leaned over to his right and reached across the nightstand to hit the off-button. We both just laid next to each other with the warm sheets pulled over us, and our legs intertwined. We both just stayed there looking at one another, knowing this was going to be the last time, in a very long time that we would wake up next to each other. Millions of thoughts ran through my mind. Some thoughts so quick, I barely knew they were there. I heard the sweet sound of my baby boy’s little feet and arms in his bassinet moving and stretching, with an occasional coo. Those soft and pleasing sounds were music to my ears.
Rudy and I finally forced ourselves out of our warm comfortable bed to face this life changing morning. I stood up slowly, walked over to the bassinet feeling the carpet brush against the bottom of my bare feet with each step, I peeked inside the bassinet and notice Torin’s big brown eyes looking up at me. I reached out to scoop Torin up into my arms and out of his dark navy blue bassinet. His blankets were no longer wrapped tightly around him, his skin was warm to the touch and smelt like the baby powder I put on his butt just an hour before the alarm went off.
Rudy walked into the girls’ room after throwing on his “go-to casual t-shirt” to wake them up. The house was still dark, due to the lack of sunlight coming through the cracks in the blinds. I heard Rudy in the girl’s room “quietly” whispering “Reveille, Reveille, Reveille!” This was always his wake up call to the girls and they loved it. Rebecka was the early bird who rolled out of bed with her big brown eyes wide open. She ran around the corner into my bedroom where I had Torin, rolled up in my arms. She was eager to see her little brother who she adored for a few minutes at a time (but was very quick to get bored of him too.) She came in, gave him kisses all over his face, then she ran off to her next destination. Rebecka was 6 years old at the time and her mother was already in Iraq on her deployment. Rebecka was very familiar with the military and the process that was going to be happening later that morning.
Dae’Stanii and Rudy were still in the girls’ room, Rudy still trying to get her out of bed. Although Dae’Stanii loved Rudy’s wakeup call she never really got out of bed for him. With Torin in my arms I sluggishly walked out of my room and turned the corner and entered the girls room to help Rudy get Dae out of bed. I am not quite sure how a 5 year old girl has learned to ignore her stepdad so well, but that girl had it mastered. I passed Rudy the little ball of cuteness, now nicely swaddled in a baby blue blanket. Then I started working on getting my night-owl out of her princess bed. I slowly ran my fingertips through Dae’Stanii’s beautiful silky blonde hair, and whispered “it’s time to wake up, it’s time to wake up, it’s time to wake up in the morning.” She opened her bluish-green eyes, looked at me and rolled over, with a look on her face that said, “Really mom, really?” After some time and hard work of poking and teasing this small sassy girl she finally rolled out of bed. It took her a minute to adjust to the early morning, but when she did she was the sweetest little girl, ever.
Rudy handed me the warmed-to-perfection breast milk in the bottle, and the our little bundle of joy, Torin. I guess this was his way of telling me I was feeding him this morning, as Rudy rushed off down the short hall to our room and closed the door. I swiftly moved my tired butt to the living room and placed my rear on the comfortable old brown couch, plopped the bottle into Torin’s mouth and just sat with a million (never ending) thoughts running through my head. The girls where both in their room behind me talking and running about, while they were getting their clothes on that we carefully picked out for them the night before.
Torin gulped his 6oz bottle down like he was in the Olympic games competing for gold. This little boy from the first day showed signs of never being full or completely satisfied with just one bottle. He had a permanent look on his face, that said “really is that all I get? Do you know how hard I’ve had it the past 9 months sucking you dry from the inside out? Give me more!” I burped the handsome little monster while still listening to the girl’s giggle to one another, while opening and closing their Disney princess dresser drawers.
I was about ready to get up off the couch, still in a tired daze, when Rudy flew out of the room and said, "we need to leave in 30 minutes." I was still in my pajamas! I had to fix the girl’s hair and my own! Not to mention there was still breakfast that needed to be cooked and eaten. I was not about to take a 5 and 6, year old anywhere without putting food in their little demanding bellies. That would have created a new type of catastrophe for all who encountered them. Panic started to set in. I asked Rudy to go make breakfast as I quickly pecked him on the lips and walked by. He wasn’t much of a cook, in fact he had no idea what he was doing in the kitchen. However, he had already packed his military bags in the car the night before and was freshly shaven with his military greens on. At that point, he knew that rank did not matter (it usually didn't when he’s home with me), so he successfully cooked breakfast.
Me on the other hand, I still had a lot to do and not enough time to do it. The early morning was moving way too fast for my liking, but sadly, nothing was stopping the clock. I called the girls into the bathroom and quickly fixed their hair. Fixed it fast but cute enough to call it done, I had hoped. Becka’s hair always took a little longer than Dae’Stanii’s hair, but that was because Becka’s dark brown hair was so thick, and silky. Finally, the girls got ready and sat at the kitchen table, shoveling eggs and ham in their mouths. Becka was trained to eat with speed and accuracy, after all her parents were both soldiers. Dae shoveled her breakfast in her mouth as fast as she could, but she was nowhere near Becka's speed.
I had about 15 minutes left to throw on some of my sexy maternity clothes, due to my other clothes still being way too small (which was not a great feeling.) My hair was short but very brittle. My son used up everything in my body that I had to give, while leaving nothing really for my body to use. My skin was dull and worn, my hair was limp and brittle, and my nails were chipped down to the nubs of my fingers. I looked like I just got hit by a bus, or comically enough just had a baby. Unfortunately, not like those other moms who push out a baby and look like they could walk the runway in a bikini. I seriously looked drained. I could pass for almost dead at that point. I quickly got ready and did the best that I could possibly do with what I had to work with; at the time. I was dressed, makeup done, and shoes on in 10 minutes.
Time was ticking seemingly faster and faster. I had 5 minutes to get Torin and the girls in their car seats, and be on the road. I quickly scooped Torin up off my bed where he was quietly laying contently with his Winnie the Poo blanket and placed him in his car seat. Everything was so knew to me that I struggled a bit with the seatbelt straps and buckles to his car seat, I found myself giggling at the situation. Rudy grabbed Torin once he was successfully buckled up in his car seat and took him out to the car. Dae’Stanii and Rebecka skipped out of the house towards the car following Rudy and Torin. They wanted to help Dad put the baby in the car. They loved to help! I ran around the house grabbing the baby bag, extra clothes, snacks for the kids, a few extra bottles for Torin, and the camera—can't forget the camera. I finally joined the family out in the car. They were all buckled up and ready to go.
The jet black Durango engine roared as it was turned on, Rudy in the driver’s seat. The car now pulling away from the house. The girls were laughing, while they played one of their many hand games, singing along to the musical beat, in their favorite seat in the very back of the SUV. Torin fell into a deep sleep with the relaxing movement of the car on the road. We were now out of the neighborhood, my reality started to take hold. The drive to Camp Williams was a big blur. I have no idea how we arrived so quickly to our destination. I can’t recall a single landmark, a lane change, a light we stopped at or a single car we passed. All I remember from the drive is the girls laughing and playing, my son making the occasional cooing noise, deep in slumber, and the warmth of Rudy’s hand gently placed on my thigh.
Camp Williams
We arrived at Camp Williams (to soon if you ask me) and stopped at the security gate for check-in. The guard in a surprisingly high pitched voice asked Rudy for his identification. Rudy was so used to the procedures at Camp Williams he had his military ID out, and ready to hand to the security guard. “Go ahead and be careful out there” the guard said as he waved us through. We pulled up and parked in the partially full parking lot next to the “Readiness Center” where all the deploying Marines and their families were being placed.
The girls were excited to arrive and join the commotion outside. They unbuckled their seat belts and jumped over the back seat with the intent of flying out of the car door to join all the excitement, but the door was locked so they were stopped quickly in their tracks. Rudy unlocked his car door and walked to the back door, where the girls were now "patiently" waiting. He asked them to slow down and stay close. I sat frozen in my seat knowing I was not ready for what was to come. I finally found my feet and stepped out of the car. I opened the back door and reached for Torin’s car seat, while Rudy was holding both of the girl’s hands. He politely and asked if I needed help. I just laughed, “I think I need to get used to doing this myself.” He looked at me with his brown eyes and a smile that said “yes, you are a smart ass, but I love it!” We both laughed at the situation and I pulled the car seat out of the car, successfully. The baby was still sleeping. As we walked to the front doors of the two story tan building, the American flag was flying high in the sky out front. My stomach started to feel the butterflies fluttering their wings.
We walked through the glass doors of the building into a big open room that was filled with over 100 Marines and their families. It was surreal! The emotions that I felt when stepping through the doorway were mixed with that of love, sadness, pride, and a brotherhood that inspired me and calmed my nerves, just a little bit. Rudy was holding the girl’s hands, while I carried Torin in his heavy awkward car seat. The voices of the Marines and their families echoed throughout the large two storied, vaulted ceiling open room. We walked through the room to settle into a space to meet our extended family once they arrived. We were stopped by so many of Rudy’s Marines. They called him Staff Sergeant Olivares, showed him respect and stood at parade rest when they spoke.
I never really understood the military and the ranking system until we walked into that room. Not only was Rudy respected for his rank, but I saw a genuine respect and love for the man that I called Rudy and they called Staff Sergeant Olivares. I felt better knowing that Rudy was going to go with all these people that truly had his back. I watched the other service men with their wives, kids, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, etc. It was a sight from a movie, one that would bring tears to anybody’s eyes. The pride of every individual Marine and his family in that room was radiating through them, and yes even me. I was proud to be part of something so great!
Rudy’s Mom and Dad arrived at the Readiness Center with a look on their face that said “We aren’t ready to face yet another goodbye” (this was Rudy’s third deployment). Tears were swelling up in both of their eyes as they embraced their son, it seemed like they hung on forever. Rudy’s brother Rick and his beautiful wife Kendra, and their three kids walked through the crowd of people to see Rudy off. Shortly after, my parents and older brother came to say "farewell for now." They all stood in a circle talking, while attempting to make light of the situation, knowing there was nothing light or easy about today or the following year. I was standing with Torin in my arms watching the girls while Rudy talked with our families. He would occasionally look up in my direction and give me a “flashy smile” to let me know he’s right there and trying to make his way over to me. The room was packed with people now. It was not just the Marines and their families, but also news reporters and their camera crews. I kept squeezing myself and the kids closer to the wall. I am not a big fan of big crowds, especially while holding a precious newborn in my arms. Talk about hot and sweaty.
Time was getting close and I felt the moment I was dreading creeping closer and closer. I also noticed a camera crew getting hauntingly closer and closer. The news reporters finally made their way to Rudy or Staff Sargent Olivares as I knew they would. I saw their beady little eyes, eyeballing him from across the room. They finally cornered him and started asking him questions about this upcoming deployment and how he felt. I am not sure how he ended up pulling me into the interview with him, but it threw me for a loop. Tears started pouring down my face with no signs of stopping. I was able to get a few words out, but I was a mumbling mess. I thought I was going to make it through this event like a champ, but quickly lost the battle. Rudy grabbed me and pulled me into his chest with his muscular arms, while pushing the news reporter away. He just held me. Blocking everybody and everything away from me until I could get my continuous tears under control. It took a while, or maybe I was just taking advantage of the situation. Poor Torin was squished between us both, although he didn’t seem to mind.
I looked up from his arms and noticed 5 big grey hounded buses pulling up in front of the Readiness Center. A loud speaker echoed through the giant open room “Charlie Company 4th LAR Battalion get into formation!” Rudy’s demeanor quickly changed. He quickly hugged and thanked everyone for seeing him off. Grabbed his girls and gave them a big long squeeze and said “Be good, listen, and remember I love you both. Me, again, standing there frozen in time with my baby in my arms, waiting to find out what’s next. I looked at Rudy, grabbed him with my open arm, pulled him in and kissed him. I told him “I love you!” as I pushed him towards his troops.
It's Time To Say Farewell
The Marines lined up in formation with their platoons. The four separate platoons were perfectly lined up outside, centered in front of the Greyhound buses. The Platoon Sergeants yelled out one after the other “First Platoon all present!” “Second Platoon all present!” “Third Platoon all present!” and the last platoon with a voice that I knew and loved shouted out “Weapons Platoon all present!” My emotions flooded my face, strangely enough my emotions were full of pride, love, sadness, and hope. I tried to keep my emotions and composure in check for the sanity of myself the kids and Staff Sergeant Olivares. My family needed to be reassured that everything was going to be okay, as they watched the servicemen pile onto the buses. I just stood there with the kids and my parents. I stood there watching the last of the buses’ door close. Then the buses one by one, drove around the flying flags and out of Camp Williams.
Once the buses were gone, my family helped me get the kids into the car. Our new adventure without Rudy was about to begin. I pulled myself up into the driver’s seat of the big Durango and said bye to my family. I thanked them wholeheartedly for being there. I turned the ignition key and the engine started. I slowly backed up out of the parking spot, and left Camp Williams. The kids and I decided to go out for ice cream. I was hoping that the ice cream would help me put a smile on my face. The ice cream didn’t really help me, but it sure put big chocolate messy smiles on both the girl’s faces, which consequently, successfully helped put a smile on my face.
Military life isn’t for everybody, but as it turned out it is my life now and always will be. Once a military wife, always a military wife.
